From the desk of Scarecrow Dave.
Have you seen this man, he is a Scarecrow Dave Impersonator, he has been seen in the field out back and everytime I looked this afternoon he had moved closer. Now when i look he has disappeared !!!!!
Please notify the WALP staff if seen and please don`t approach him, he might stuff you too.
Dave 2E0WPZ
It`s happened again, I walked the seaside yesterday and fell foul to this stinker of a decease! "The Dreaded Banded Foot Rash" I only seem to catch the bloody thing when I leave myself open to fresh air at the seaside. In future I`ll make sure I keep my legs and feet completely covered and spray them with copious amounts of antiseptic lotion. I decided to burn all of my summer clothes just in case they were infected and I even ripped the carpet out of my car and burnt it. Next job will be to renew the carpet and chairs in the living room and burn the mattress on the bed ( mainly because it`s always been worse in the morning after exposure) It has cost me £37,817.00 to replace the gear but it is well worth it. I`ve seen other people with the rash and always beat a hasty retreat. I remember one day when I was a teenager, I arrived at the pub with a new bike, my mates asked me where I got it. I replied, "I was walking down to the pub this lovely summer evening when I came across a beautiful full breasted fit young lady, she was in tears because she had ridden across the fields on her bike only to find the gate leading to the road well and truly locked and just didn`t have the strength to lift her bike over. "Please young man, can you help me"? she said whilst pouting her full rich young lips at me. I swallowed hard and tried to avoid showing my excitement (if you know what I mean) "No problem I said" and lifted the bike easily over the gate (I think even if it had weighed in at half a ton I would have managed it)
When I turned around she had removed all of her clothes including her knickers and stood there in all her young firm majesty, she really was a young mans dream. "Thanks you so much, you are my knight in shining armour" she said! "You can have anything you want young man" as I climbed the gate to get onto her side I looked closer and sure enough she had The Dreaded Banded Foot Rash.(not only on her feet but around her bust and knicker line.) I stopped in my tracks (I didn`t want any of that old nonsense) and decided to take her up on the offer of"anything you want" so rode away her her bike.
Maybe I caught the Banded Rash from those pedals, who knows?
When I arrived home that night I told my mum what had happened and she warned me off of any young women that take their clothes off in front of me and I have followed her advice ever since. It`s been a bit of a lonely life all in all and I`ve lost count of all the blow up dolls I`ve bitten the necks of and watched as they slowly deflate. Something nags me all the time, I feel the need to get close to womens under clothes which is obviously something I`ve been missing out on all my life but have found a way around it.
Anyway, must go now, I need to get into town where M&S are having a bra sale today and don`t want to miss out on any bargains, I`ve got my eye on a lovely pokadot high lift piece of kit but am just wondering how it will go with my hairy chest and beard.
Don`t get too excited, it`s all in my imagination but i bet you read it to the end favourite flowers are yellow roses btw.
Have you seen this rooftop burglar??? what is he stealing?
He parks up mobile near your QTH, He taps into your HF antennas on your roof and gets a free Dx ride at your expense, filling up his log book with your contacts.
When the session comes to an end he plugs your antennas into the nearest Lamp Post which immediately gives the station 50db over of interference and when the amateur ham attempts to rectify the problem and inspects the antennas they get a 250V surprise. (The better your earth system the bigger the shock.)
I`ve been told that he has been known to slowly cook sausages on the roof using just the RF power (it`s slow but the sausages do get cooked right through to the centre)
This photo was grabbed at my QTH by my xyl . As we don`t have any lamp post in the area it is quite safe for me to attend to my antennas. I realised that something was seriously wrong when he asked my xyl if she had any tomato sauce for the sausage roll he had just cooked.
He is known locally as "The ScareCrow"
The things people will do to get a decent DX contact amazes me.
Dave 2E0WPZ (what kind of a twisted mind thinks these things up?)
A word of health warning whilst collecting WALP.
Most lamp posts are covered in dog urine, never lean against the lamp post with your note book resting on the post below 4ft.
Be vigilant, some dirty dogs back onto the post and turd them. No problem with the standard dog turd, they are clear to see even under low light conditions or when being blinded by the bright light (don`t look right up at the light)
Now i come to the last turd warning, some time in the past there was quite a number of white dog turds being left around (I haven`t seen one for some time but they do exist) not much of a problem on tarmac or grass but when deposited by a dirty dog on the post and more so if the post is white then you can get caught out (sunglasses might help at times)
It goes like this, you see a rare lamp post, you are excited, you approach and lean your notebook above 4ft and make the contact details not knowing that your trouser knee has picked up the white turd and so for the rest of the Dx expedition (wondering what that awful smell is and looking sideways at the xyl) you continue to distribute the white turd on all the lamp posts that you bag in that outing. I once saw 40 members of the WALP team at the end of a busy day sitting in a cafe and they all had the dreaded white knee condition. Cricketers in their whites are more at risk and tend to pass the turd on without knowing.
You have been warned, good luck, good Dx but be careful.
2E0WPZ
